Jinx: Starving 🍬 For Light ☀️ – part 2

Please support the authors by reading Manhwas on the official websites. This is where you can read the Manhwa: Jinx But be aware that the Manhwa is a mature Yaoi, which means, it is about homosexuality with explicit scenes. Here is the link of the table of contents about Jinx. Here is the link where you can find the table of contents of analyzed Manhwas. Here are the links, if you are interested in the first work from Mingwa, BJ Alex,  and the 2 previous essays about Jinx   Unspoken Gifts 🎁, Unveiled Truths🪩 in the Light of Hope  and Starving For Light – part 1

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After the release of Starving for Light, I made very important discoveries and as such new connections between Kim Dan’s eating disorder, his workaholism and the grandmother’s neglect. However, since the original essay was already very long, I decided to add a second part. According to my observations, Kim Dan is suffering from ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder). The latter is an eating disorder characterized by an extreme avoidance or restriction of food, leading to nutritional deficiencies, weight loss, or dependence on supplements. Unlike other eating disorders, ARFID is not related to concerns about body image or weight but instead stems from factors such as sensory sensitivities, fear of choking or vomiting, or a lack of interest in eating. It often begins in childhood and can significantly impact physical health, social functioning, and emotional well-being. Treatment typically involves therapy, nutritional counseling, and addressing underlying causes of food avoidance.

Evidences of the grandmother’s neglect

In the first part, this is what I wrote:

Since Mingwa didn’t create a souvenir of a shared meal with his grandmother except this one (birthday scene, chapter 11), I believe that Kim Dan never truly experienced the joy of sharing food. Readers always saw him standing by the side, while he watched his boss eating. (chapter 22) Sure, it was because he considered it as a part of his job. Nevertheless, the young man never cooked for himself. He learned to cook from his grandmother, as it was to help her. Thus I can’t restrain myself thinking that Shin Okja never shared a meal with the protagonist.

This suspicion got confirmed while rereading the story. Shin Okja has never shared a meal with Kim Dan together. One might argue about this statement because of his memory concerning his birthday. (chapter 11) Here, she offered him a sweet bread as present, but since it was his birthday cake, he had to share his “own present” with his grandmother. The little he possessed was given to his grandmother, a new form of this scene (chapter 43) In other words, he was the one sharing his food with her. But there exist more conclusive evidences. (chapter 5) When he visited her in episode 5, the main lead was the first one to bring up the topic “dinner”. How did the grandmother respond to his question? “You know your granny never skipped a meal”. Her statement is implying that someone else skipped his meals before. That can only be the doctor. So she knows that he has not been eating on a regular basis. And what is the opposite of “never”? ALWAYS! Yet, observe that she is smiling, when she is saying this. It exposes that she never saw the doctor’s skipping meals as worrisome. She must have probably thought that her grandson was a picky eater.

Moreover, I would like my avid readers to keep in mind that Kim Dan was eating his snacks alone, when she was standing next to him: (chapter 57) So she was not sitting down to a meal with her grandchild literally. In addition, when she suggested snacks to console him, she didn’t realize the terrible consequences of her decision. Once it was dinner time, Kim Dan would no longer feel hungry. With the introduction of such a ritual (eating became the synonym for repressing negative emotions), it is normal that the little boy would stop eating with his grandmother. That’s how the routine of eating on a regular basis got dropped, as it was strongly intertwined with his negative emotions and terrible incidents.

But let’s return our attention to the scene in episode 5. (chapter 5) Notice that she only asked him if he had already eaten after hearing his question. In other words, if Kim Dan had never inquired about her meals, she would have never shown an interest in his meals. Only after hearing that he would eat later, she got worried: (chapter 5) Thus she offered him two sweet yogurts. (chapter 5) Her words “You used to love these when you were little” are alluding that she perceives the main lead as a picky eater. As a child, he would never refuse the drinks. So when she offers them to him, she is sure that he will eat these. Finally, when she saw the celebrity, she indirectly put the blame on her grandson. He is thin and weak, because he didn’t eat properly. (chapter 21) In her eyes, Kim Dan’s habit for skipping meals was the expression of an avoidance of certain foods. It was because he was a picky eater. This shows that she never questioned herself and her past decisions. Then in the latest episode, she is seen eating her lunch, (chapter 57) yet at no moment she shares her food or questions him if he has already eaten. For me, this scene exposes her neglect. Her focus lies elsewhere: (chapter 57) She asks this question, because she has already witnessed him sleeping next to her. She associates tiredness with lack of sleep, but she is not making the connection between malnutrition and his exhaustion. (chapter 57) On the other hand, the expression “wasting away” displays her realization. She is seeing how Kim Dan is losing weight!! To conclude, she is not totally blind. Her grandson is not eating properly. But why is she not questioning her grandson about his meals? It is because he is working at the hospice where lunches are provided to the staff. (chapter 56) In other words, she is relying on the hospice, while the staff is too busy and overwhelmed with work to notice that Kim Dan has been working too much and even avoiding lunches. (chapter 57) It took them days before the nurse noticed that he shouldn’t be there. Interesting is that the nurse “Mind” is starting to put the blame on the physical therapist (chapter 57) for his attitude and is now siding with the grandmother. They assume “burn out”, while the reality is that he is suffering from different traumas. But notice that he was only sent away, after Kim Dan got dizzy. (chapter 57) This shows that Kim Dan had become a ghost at the hospice for the last few days, and no one paid attention to him. He was invisible because it was his way to be “accepted” and not stigmatized as “bun” or “orphan”. People only noticed him, until he created some ruckus at the institution. However, this means that the man must have spent the night with his grandmother. Yet, at no moment she sent him away or even shared her meals with him. This shows her indifference and egoism. She contrasts so much to the protagonist’s landlord.

The landlord in the doctor’s life

Though the latter doesn’t know him that well, he is paying attention to his every move: (chapter 57) He noticed right away that he was missing. Why? It is because his room was empty. (chapter 57) This scene represents the man’s new routine. He would go to Kim Dan’s bedroom and ask the protagonist to eat breakfast with him. On the other hand, though he noticed the doctor’s absence, he jumped to a false conclusion. He imagined that his new room mate had returned to Seoul. This raises the following question. Why is this caring man assuming that Kim Dan moved to that small and insignificant town just for a short moment? (chapter 57) And why did he think that Kim Dan had left for good? First, I can imagine that the doctor looked for a place without deposit. (chapter 16) But more important, it is because the physical therapist only arrived on the West Coast with two small bags. (chapter 53) And now pay attention to the PT’s departure on the day he was sent back: (chapter 57) He had gone to the hospice with all his belongings, a sign that he had planned to stay with his grandmother until his “death”. In other words, his “workplace” would have become his tomb. This means that the landlord already noticed that the main lead only had a few belongings, and the moment he didn’t see the black bag with the halmoni’s picture, he assumed that Kim Dan had returned to the city. Thanks to the introduction of the new landlord, my interpretation about the champion’s biased judgment got confirmed. (chapter 19) When Joo Jaekyung saw the huge Wedding Cabinet, he thought that Kim Dan had many clothes. Thus he saw it as a sign of “greed”, Kim Dan was poor, because he was not able to save money. And this observation brings me back to the landlord: (chapter 57) In my opinion, this man doesn’t know the real profession of Kim Dan. Notice that he is talking about “work” in general. He can not understand why his tenant would work for days so much. Another evidence for his ignorance is that he never went to the hospice to ask if the physical therapist was there. I would even add that this man is also ignorant about the existence of Kim Dan’s grandmother. How did I come to this deduction? It is simply that the old man is anticipating the doctor’s departure. Who would move to that little town with only two bags? It is important because despite his mistakes (chapter 57; here he used guilt and shame to incite Kim Dan not to drink), he is attempting to be close to his new room mate, to understand him. The problem is that the protagonist is keeping everything to himself. He is not speaking about himself and his past. This is quite understandable, as the grandmother keeps telling him that he has no roots here. (chapter 57) I would even add that with this advice, she was restraining him from becoming close to people in this hometown. It is her place, not his… In other words, she was forbidding him to make friends here and have a good relationship with the staff. Finally, when the grandmother says Kim Dan has “no ties here,” it mirrors the hurtful stigmatization he faced as a child when he was labeled as an orphan, a “bum.” (chapter 57) Her words inadvertently repeat the narrative of abandonment and lack of belonging that has followed Kim Dan throughout his life. It feels as though she’s repeating those same accusations, reinforcing the idea that he is rootless, unworthy, and out of place. Instead of acknowledging the sacrifices Kim Dan has made for her, the grandmother dismisses him as someone without meaningful ties, perpetuating the feelings of invisibility and worthlessness he’s battled since childhood. So with this declaration “This place isn’t your hometown and you don’t have any ties here” she was triggering his abandonment issues and low self-esteem. This outlines her lack of empathy, self-centeredness and ignorance. Thus I have to admit that I am even wondering if he has not been adopted by Shin Okja.

And because the halmoni claims to be part of this hometown and the landlord belongs to the same community, I can’t help myself thinking that once he hears about Kim Dan’s true job and his halmoni, he will go to the hospice and meet her. Let’s not forget that no one recognizes or remembers her. Why? My explanation is simple. This is the place where her maiden family has been buried, but like her words display it: she never went to the hometown to visit the graves of her ancestors. The grandmother is projecting her own history of not “sticking around” for her deceased relatives onto Kim Dan. Just as she distanced herself from her family in the past (e.g., after their deaths), she now assumes that Kim Dan will do the same to her, reflecting her awareness of how such disconnection has defined her relationships. We could say, she “forgot” them, but once she is about to die, she wants to be remembered as a part of this community. This shows that this woman values tradition and the past, but in a superficial manner.

However, since the doctor has become the symbol of her past suffering, she would like to send him away. She is refusing to be burdened by worries and a guilty conscience. To conclude, she is rejecting her past and as such her responsibilities. She is now advocating “self-reliance”, while in the past, she used to ask him for favors. (chapter 53) On the other hand, the landlord embodies the opposite notions: (chapter 57) Care, curiosity and responsibility. Here he is asking for help as well. Nevertheless the nature of his request is different, for it is not about himself, but about Boksoon and her puppies. As you can see, he is making sure that she gets the best environment to raise her puppies. On the other side, Shin Okja used to prioritize herself and her own suffering. Notice that the doctor was resting under a tree in the yard (chapter 57), until the owner appeared. Thus I couldn’t restrain myself thinking that this man is strongly associated with the sun (fatherly figure) and life, whereas the grandmother stands for darkness (chapter 57), night and death.

The sequels of traumas

Since I detected symptoms of ARFID, it occurred to me the significance of the drugged beverage. (chapter 37) Kim Dan has never associated food with pleasure, love and happiness. Yet, for the first time, someone paid attention to his eating habits and suggested him to drink this nutrition shake. So the food became “poison” to him, this could only reinforce his negative disposition about eating. Is it a coincidence that soon after, he is seen sleeping and skipping meals? (chapter 43) No, his avoidance of eating increased. Park Namwook and the others assumed like many readers that it was related to his overwork and exhaustion, but it is only partially true. Sleeping was also his way to avoid food in the end. And this brings me back to the incident with the switched spray: (chapter 57) This crime triggered a trauma in the doctor. Hence his hands were shaking, and he is plagued by a huge guilty conscience. It was, as if his hands had become poison too. However, hands are necessary to eat. To conclude, this could only worsen his condition. And notice that even with the landlord, he is not seen eating. In fact, he is patting the dog. (chapter 57) That’s the reason why I don’t think that Kim Dan’s ARFID can be suddenly cured, the moment Potato reveals the truth about the incident. He has to develop a routine around eating. Someone has to put food right into his mouth, to feed him literally. On the other hand, I can imagine that a change will take place, when he sees his fighter totally diminished. He would serve as a reminder and reflection to himself.

And what is the common denominator between the switched spray and the drugged beverage? They reinforced his mental issues: ARFID, his depression and his low self-esteem. But the problem is that MFC , (chapter 41) the doctors and the authorities diminished the importance of such a wrongdoing, because they denied the existence of psychological sequels. Thus they only investigated it from the athlete’s perspective: (chapter 52) He was the only target and victim. Therefore it was reduced to the work of a hater and rival. Nevertheless, they didn’t interrogate the real victim of the crime correctly. Either he was about to get framed or his involvement was totally denied. It was, as if he had not been present. By not taking the physical therapist’s psychological damages into consideration, they actually expose their true nature. They don’t care about mental health at all. This explicates why the athlete had to prove his worth constantly. We should see these comments as a new form of bullying (chapter 36), which were supported by MFC, the Entertainment agency and Park Namwook. Joo Jaekyung had to prove them wrong: his career is not finished yet. So when the couple meets again, they should quickly realize the importance of mental health, as both are definitely at their lowest point in their life. In other words, the mental issues from Kim Dan serve a purpose in this story: people close to him should come to the realization that mental health is essential in life, something they neglected before. Either they didn’t feel concerned or they were biased or simply ignorant. Thus the athlete in the illustration for season 2 is looking at his fated partner’s face : He is now paying attention to his facial expressions and trying to discover his thoughts. Moreover, note that he is also grabbing his wrist, which could be interpreted like this. On the one hand, he is attempting to stop Kim Dan from working, as the symbol of a PT is the helping hand. He should relax and rely on the fighter’s care and protection. He is his shelter and home. On the other hand, it could be seen as his attempt to stop Kim Dan from using his wrist against the sinners and criminals: Kim Miseon who used her halmoni as guinea pig, Choi Gilseok who tricked him etc… Yes, I have the impression that at some point, the physical therapist could end up feeling like his fated partner: (chapter 41) Kim Dan is looking for light, because he has been trapped for too long in that darkness: (chapter 57) Because of ostracism and bullying, invisibility became his copying mechanism and the absence of shared meals could only reinforce his negative perception of himself. At the same time, the grandmother’s existence became his only source of life. So his meeting with Potato and Heesung is to remind him that he is not alone. (chapter 57) He was not forgotten, he left traces in their life. He was their sunlight, their angel.

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