Jinx: „I … hate it.“ 😤 😡
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When the manhwalovers were reading chapter 11 and 12, many got so upset because of Kim Dan’s terrible fate that they were or are already thinking about dropping the manhwa. Thus we could say that many felt like the protagonist: “I (Chapter 12) What the physician expressed on the bed reflected their own thoughts and emotions. But why did they feel such negative emotions? Simply because they had witnessed the rapid and brutal shattering of the doctor‘s hope 😭 with their own eyes and heart.
1. Between dream and reality
What caught my attention is that in the beginning of episode 11, Kim Dan was full of hope again. Thus he was standing in the bus while looking up. (Chapter 11) The position of his head and body was mirroring his emotional and mental state. And this contrasts so much to the end of the chapter. Not only he was on his knees, but also he was looking down. (chapter 11) Imagine that within the same chapter, the main lead’s attitude and position were turned upside down. What a roll coaster of emotions for Kim Dan and the manhwaworms! Therefore it is not surprising that many were so distressed. But why was he so hopeful in the beginning of episode 11?
For the first time, he was thinking about the future, he had the impression that he could finally see the end of the tunnel. (Chapter 11) Thanks to his „contract“, he was able to pay not only his grandmother‘s expensive treatment, but also the interests of his loan. (Chapter 11) Remember that he had done it twice and this in a such a short time. (chapter 1) This signifies that with such a salary, he could put an end to this vicious circle, the snowballing interest. That’s the reason why he had become so hopeful. It was, as if he could finally breathe, and a huge burden had been taken from his shoulder. This shows that so far, he had lived from day to day. He had been on survival modus. All his thoughts were focused on earning money. However, his “dream” to end this terrible servitude to the loan sharks was linked to his contract with the famous sportsman. (chapter 11) which was also a form of servitude. Consequently, it is not surprising that he viewed his relationship with Joo Jaekyung not in a good light. (Chapter 11) For him, it sounded, as if having sex with the champion had become the worst thing in his life. Notice that though he mentioned the snowballing interests, he didn’t envision the loan sharks at all. He was already occulting them, for he had paid the interests. To conclude, in the bus, Kim Dan had the impression that his life was about to change for the better… though he disliked the idea to be dependent on the fighter. However, reality caught up with him very quickly.
2. The loss of his home and its signification
First, the phone call made him realize that he was actually on the verge of losing his home. (Chapter 11) Secondly, this exposes that he had never paid attention to his house. There was mold, for he hadn’t ventilated and heat the room enough. (Chapter 10) He had not the time, the money and the energy to do so. As you can see, he never realized that he had other problems than money.
Moreover, his main goal had been to ensure that his grandmother would return to his side after recovering from her terrible illness. Striking is that the main lead had associated her recovery to their home. (Chapter 11) On the one hand, this promise exposes the sentimental value of his home, on the other hand this statement shows that he had lied to his grandmother. The redevelopment had been planned for quite some time, but Kim Dan must have never mentioned it to her. Why? It is because he didn’t want to make his relative worry. At the hospital, the manhwalovers could detect all his lies. He never mentioned his firing from the hospital to his grandmother. Secondly, he embellished his new job. Finally, when he exposed his discomfort, (chapter 7) he gave just a false excuse. As you can see, Kim Dan had long started hiding everything from his grandmother: his job situation, his physical conditions and the redevelopment. Moreover, if he had revealed his forced relocation, he would have felt terrible. He was breaking his promise to his grandmother. To conclude, he had made a promise to his halmoni which he could never keep. It was simply impossible, but he preferred occulting it, for her health was more important than anything else. This displays that he had been caught in an illusion. The irony is that despite the harshness of his life, he was still living in a “dream”. How could he expect his old relative to live in such conditions after suffering so much from cancer? For me, there is no ambiguity that the protagonist has long connected the loss of his home to the vanishing of his halmoni. He seems to be living in the past, remembering the good aspects of his childhood. (Chapter 5) A protective and loving halmoni who would do anything for him. (Chapter 11) That’s how he could survive in the end. His grandmother represented everything for him. She was his motivation to keep going despite his struggles.
3. Halmoni: a role model or a bad example?
I would even go so far to say that the terrible condition of the house reflects the halmoni’s physical condition: old and damaged, because the person was constantly overworking. Thus she neglected herself prioritizing her grandson. That’s how little by little the flat got neglected too, but the young man didn‘t notice it. Unconsciously, the main lead copied his role model. Thus at the end he fainted. (Chapter 12) And this leads me to the following observation: the causes of his syncope. Exhaustion, the constant stress, dehydration and low blood sugar. Note that before the last sex session, he only drank wine. (chapter 12) The manhwalovers never saw him eating. But this doesn’t end here. Since he was plagued with financial problems, he had to live frugally. Thus he came to neglect his own health. This is no coincidence that the readers saw him drinking an energy drink (chapter 1) and eat ramyeon (chapter 1). He would even skip his meals. (chapter 5) For me, he internalized from his grandmother how to save money. There is no doubt that in his childhood, she could never eat to her heart’s content, which he noticed and now he is copying her. Thus he learned to live gradually with an empty stomach. Besides, I believe that his nutrition was never balanced. Since the sweet bread was perceived as a luxury (chapter 11), I deduce that his guardian couldn’t afford meat either. This explains why Kim Dan didn’t grab the food immediately. (chapter 11) He didn’t feel hungry despite working hard. In other words, he has a small stomach. And now, you have the explanation why Kim Dan is so weak. (chapter 12) As you can see, I think that Joo Jaekyung’s words were somehow revealing the truth. He has no stamina, for he used up everything. So far, he could keep going due to his worries and his goal, saving his grandmother. However, with the last sex session, he used his last energy reserves. Therefore we could say that the beating from the loan sharks broke down his last resistance.
But the halmoni had also another negative influence on the main lead. She is the one living in the past, (chapter 5) thus she treats Kim Dan as a child. This explicates why she kept the yoghurts for him. Yet, what the young man needs right now, is no sweet, rather a good healthy meal. This scene exposes that she is also feeling sentimental about their common past… and now, you comprehend why the physician chose to hide the redevelopment from his grandmother. But the more a person buries the struggles and worries, the more dangerous it is, when the truth is exposed. It can literally explode and wound the person who was supposed to be protected. Don’t get me wrong. I am not blaming the grandmother for her behavior, her attitude is quite normal. She has long internalized to protect her grandchild, that she can’t change her behavior. Besides, that’s her way to cope with her illness. Since she can die due to cancer, she fears the future. Hence her only way to keep living is to focus on the past and her good memories with Kim Dan. These precious memories serve as a source of strength for her not to give up. And now, the manhwaphiles can grasp why the main lead was dwelling so much on the past as well.
Because he is missing his halmoni so much, he still has a false perception of his flat. In his mind, his small room has not changed since his childhood, thus he remembered the sweet bread his halmoni brought back for his birthday. (Chapter 11) For him, this place had become a refuge and sacred place, where he could feel love and protection. However, this was just a chimera, like the night of his return proved it: his meeting with the loan sharks.
4. The loan sharks
Like pointed out above, the doctor had imagined that since he had paid the interests right on time, he didn’t picture them in his mind. It signifies that he no longer considered them as a source of danger. Consequently, I conclude that in the past, Kim justified their violence, for he had not been able to keep his promise. He had not paid the interests right on time. (chapter 1) This shows his naivety. In reality, the loan sharks are parasites. Their intention is not to help a borrower, but to turn them into slaves. Yes, this is a modern form of slavery. The moment a debtor takes a loan, he can never fulfil the contract so that he becomes a slave. Hence the interests keep increasing, like the doctor noticed it: a snow ball system. Though the borrower had paid the money right on time, the loan sharks were still waiting in front of his house for one reason. To ensure that he wouldn’t be able to escape from their claws. (chapter 1) Their violence was never justified in the end. Nevertheless, since the physician forgot this incident, he somehow dreamed that when he paid a huge amount so suddenly, the loan sharks would leave him alone. (chapter 10) Nonetheless, the opposite happened, for the doctor had not grasped their mentality. To sum up, Kim Dan had made a huge mistake. He never thought that these three men would consider him as their slave. Thanks to money they can live a carefree life. The “snowballing interests” is their revenue. To conclude, the scene in the bus exposed the doctor’s innocence and illusion. In fact, the home is the reason why he could get beaten. The loan sharks knew where to find him. However, since the young doctor had paid on time, they needed to find a new justification for their brutality. (chapter 11) Kim Dan must have done something illegal. That way, they appear as “righteous citizens”, while in reality the thug was actually pissed off for a different reason: “I … hate it” (that) you could pay a huge amount of the interests”. His success symbolized the opposite for them, a reduction of income. Moreover, the man feared that the young man could actually pay back the loan with the interests. This is perceptible, when he argues with the main lead. (chapter 11) If this happened, they could no longer earn money without working properly. And now, you can grasp why these three cowards attacked the pure physician so cruelly and brutally. Not only they vented their anger on Kim Dan, but also they desired to demonstrate their power and superiority. This bloodshed was purely gratuitous and even entertaining for them. (chapter 11) As the manhwaphiles can understand, the loan sharks embody the opposite values of Joo Jaekyung. The latter is earning his money through fair fighting, but it is not at the expense of people. Even his counterpart is earning a living. Finally, these fights are following rules, while the loan sharks are changing the rules constantly. (chapter 11) This is important, because even if Kim Dan continues paying the interests and the loan, these three men won’t stop bothering him. And remember the comment from the black-haired man. (chapter 11) He was annoyed that he couldn’t meet the protagonist. This means that the moment the main character moves out, the loan sharks will go to the hospital, with the excuse that Kim Dan is now hiding. They will ask the halmoni about her grandson’s whereabouts. (chapter 11) In addition, the readers can detect the loan sharks’ hypocrisy when one of these men said this: “Danny boy! You had it in you all along! Shoulda tried a little harder a little sooner!” These thugs need to know where he lives so that they can barge in his life, and even ruin his career. Their goal is to maintain him enchained to them. And they could even deceive the grandmother, for she was left in the dark about the redevelopment. 😨 Thus she could jump to the false conclusions that Kim Dan is paying her treatment with the money from the loan sharks. (chapter 7) To sum up, the main lead made a huge mistake with his well-intended deceptions, though he was trying to protect his loved one. For me, the main lead should have never lied to his halmoni. The latter will blame herself for her grandchild’s situation. The debts are the result from a bad decision, when the young main figure was a child, and now she is sick. So she could think like this: “I … hate it, my grandchild has to suffer because of me”.
Under this new perspective, it is comprehensible why at the end, Kim Dan had a different perception of Joo Jaekyung. The latter represented his final straw and rescue buoy. The doctor was now ready to give up on his pride. He was now admitting his defeat. (chapter 11) The end of the “illusion”. Alone, he couldn’t survive, he needed his help. However, instead of confessing his situation to the champion, he had been a victim of ruthless loan sharks, he created a false impression on the fighter. (chapter 11) He was a drinker, he would spend money like a thoughtless person. (chapter 11) That’s why I thought this: “I … hate it, that Kim Dan didn’t reveal the truth!” With his deceptions to his halmoni and Joo Jaekyung, he created a false image about himself.
5. Kim Dan’s confession in the bedroom
And now, it is time to focus on the last sex session in the penthouse. (chapter 12) Why did he say it? For me, these words are not just related to the sex session. They are connected to his actual situation, he feels trapped and hopeless again.
What caught my notice is that Joo Jaekyung is not reduced to his huge anaconda, but to his fist and punch. (chapter 12) This exposes Kim Dan’s true thoughts. He doesn’t truly hate sex with him, he rather fears his punch and fist. But why? It is because he has always watched his matches (chapter 1) and he saw his training too (chapter 7) He knows his strength and power. It displays that Kim Dan has long admired the celebrity for his force. On the other hand, he witnessed twice how the young man wounded people, creating the image that Joo Jaekyung was a common brute. However, it simply exposed that Joo Jaekyung had not learned to restrain or control his force. He has long internalized how to employ his strength to the maximum. Secondly, despite the roughness, Kim never viewed the fighter as a sadist. However, Kim Dan is still refusing to admit pleasure with Joo Jaekyung. (chapter 12) Why? It is related to the contract. He considers it as a job, hence he shouldn’t enjoy it. Striking is that due to the sexual pleasure, he started forgetting everything: (chapter 12) This is important, because it shows that Kim Dan has never learned how to stop worrying and even enjoy life. Due to sex, he is putting everything behind: the loss of his home, the beating from the loan sharks, the halmoni’s illness. All his life, he was struggling, hence he had not the time to fall in love or to develop an interest in sex. He never had the time and occasion to ponder about his own sexual orientation either, yet there is no doubt that he felt attracted to the fighter. This could be perceived during the first massage. That’s the reason why I believe that when he confessed this to Joo Jaekyung: (chapter 12), he had detected the changes in himself which he couldn’t control. He would stop thinking about money and other problems… He would feel pleasure, something he had never experienced before. In other words, he feared the changes, which contrasts to his mindset, living in the past through memories. But at the same time, he could sense that he couldn’t control his emotions and thoughts. Finally, I had already outlined that he takes pride about his job. By becoming a doctor, he had the impression that he could escape this vicious circle of poverty. But now, it looks like, even as a doctor, he can’t live properly. By becoming a “prostitute”, he can not feel proud.
Another important aspect is that he never stated: “I … hate you!” This shows that Kim Dan is not blaming the champion in the end. While many readers were upset about Joo Jaekyung for his immature and selfish behavior, they overlooked that the young man was at no moment mad at his sex partner. (chapter 12) Why? It is because the champion is keeping his words. Besides, the young man is not expecting anything from him except money. (chapter 12) That’s how he has lived so far. He doesn’t like to be pitied. Moreover, he let him sleep in a bed. Finally, he woke him up, when he desired to leave for work. (chapter 12) At no moment, the young man resents the champion contrary to many manhwalovers. The latter blamed him for the doctor’s unconsciousness, while in truth the causes were more elsewhere.
But since Kim Dan experienced a huge downfall within the same chapter (11), I come to the conclusion that it is the same for Joo Jaekyung in episode 12. Here, he had the impression that he would be able to outlive a dream (chapter 12), the reality was that he couldn’t do more than one round. (chapter 12) His hope got shattered too. 😉 Thus he was so bothered the next morning that he couldn’t hide his disappointment. (chapter 12) “I … hate it… that you are so weak”. But there is hope, because he asked the right question: (chapter 12) And that’s how his malnutrition, his bruises, his exhaustion and dehydration could come to the surface. Because the main lead made the mistake to give alcohol to the physician, he will regret his decision. Thus he can only come to the conclusion that in the future, he should never offer him any drink. He could even request from him abstinence, and this would even help the champion to hide his own weakness. He doesn’t drink either. Moreover, the champion could force his partner to drink (chapter 4) and eat on a regular basis healthy meals, and train his body. I am more than ever convinced that Joo Jaekyung’s role is to take care of the young physician who has always sacrificed himself for his grandmother. The latter can not fulfil this function. As a conclusion, Joo Jaekyung has already experienced that money can not solve everything. If he wishes to keep his jinx away thanks to the doctor, he has to pay attention to his physical condition. This is all the more relevant if he wishes to have many rounds during the night. 😉These are the lessons he is about to learn.
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